Last week, I had the joy of spending three full days with a dear friend. We talked about everything—family, work, politics, and life. She had just returned from a celebration of life for a friend who left the world far too soon, and our conversations carried both depth and lightness.
At one point, she noticed something about me: “You talk a lot about goals.” She’s right—I do.
I have many goals, and they aren’t just vague dreams. They come with plans, steps, and a vision of the finish line. I love the process of working toward them. Goals stretch me beyond my comfort zone, force me to try new approaches, and push me into growth. They’re not always easy. In fact, some steps feel uncomfortable or even intimidating. But that discomfort is often the sign that I’m moving closer to the things I want most.
And perhaps even more importantly, I don’t want to regret not trying.
The Science of Regret
Research tells us that regret is one of the most powerful human emotions. Daniel Pink, in his book The Power of Regret, found that people’s biggest regrets often come from not acting—missed opportunities, unpursued goals, or the moments when fear got in the way. Psychologists call these “inaction regrets,” and they tend to stick with us far longer than the sting of failure.
A failed attempt can still leave us with pride, lessons, and resilience. But not trying at all? That leaves us with the “what ifs” that echo the loudest.
Harvard research on goal pursuit also shows that setting meaningful goals doesn’t just give us direction—it builds motivation, identity, and even happiness. When we work toward something purposeful, even imperfectly, it increases our sense of agency and reduces future regrets.
Goals, Growth, and Confidence Roadblocks
Of course, working toward goals isn’t always straightforward. Confidence roadblocks show up for all of us—whether it’s self-doubt, fear of failure, or comparing ourselves to others. The science of goal-setting shows that progress doesn’t require perfection. It requires persistence.
Failing forward, learning from mistakes, and reframing setbacks as part of the process help us build resilience. Every step taken toward a goal—no matter how small—moves us from the realm of regret to the realm of growth.
Living Without Regret
When my time comes, I want to know that I went for it. That I tried. That I stumbled and failed sometimes, but I stretched for things beyond my reach. That I overcame those confidence roadblocks and lived a life fueled by courage and goals, not fear and hesitation.
The truth is, the science of regret doesn’t tell us to avoid mistakes. It tells us to avoid inaction. And the science of goals reminds us that it’s the pursuit, not just the outcome, that shapes who we become.
At Plum Leadership Group, we help leaders and managers explore these very ideas. Coaching isn’t just about performance—it’s about pursuing goals with clarity, reducing future regrets, and navigating the roadblocks that inevitably appear along the way. We guide individuals and organizations in developing leadership capacity, building resilience, and embracing growth.
Because in the end, the real regret isn’t failing. It’s never trying.